Tina

I have found that very often in life I decide ahead of time I assume the role they will play in my life and more often than not I get far more out the relationship then I could have ever hoped or thought I wanted. Tina is a good example of this.

I’m very heavily involved in recruiting for my Company. In fact, I would have to say that it is by far one of my favorite activities. I love the competition, meeting new people, and essentially selecting the newest members of the Company. It’s also just a great way to socialize with coworkers. We had a planning meeting for the years recruiting activities and afterwards a happy hour. I met a lot of different people and through one of my conversations met up with some people who were interested in running together. Getting in shape after busy season (I was 170 at the time) was definitely something on my list and Tina being the most devoted of us all suggested I join them on some morning runs. Getting up early was not my forte at this point in my life but I was willing to make the sacrifice for the endeavor.

We started an email chain that was really quite active and I was impressed with the way Tina could keep up and quip back. Something that has been rare for me to find. Initially, there were no thoughts of any sort of relationship as it was just something that wasn’t on my radar. Her level of interest though became apparent and in getting to know her I saw a lot of her great qualities. She had a drive to be her best in all areas, worked hard at what she did, and was on a constant path to discover who she was. All of these things I either admired or related too.
And it’s interesting to note that when someone is fond of you that there is always a good reason to hang out together. In fact, it’s easier to hang out more often then not. Emails became ideas and soon we were getting together to cook together, run, etc. Immediately I saw the signs, but can you ever just quelch the fire that begins so abruptly? I knew as things progressed that this was going to be one of those flash in the pan trists that burns bright from the get go and flames out almost as fast. You are in a whirlwind of emotion and you know it’s too fast and if you slow down things will progress as they should. But how can you? How can you say slow down? I don’t know if I would have wanted too.

The vivid memory that still sticks out in my mind, is me walking out of her house and she is sitting there on the porch watching me leave, and her eyes are just so fiery. Plus her smile, is quite contagious and at least at this time there was a certain bubblyness to our interactions that I couldn’t have been more fond of. Another time, we rode a bus to a recruiting event and secretly texted eachother the entire trip there and back. No one else the wiser, we felt like we were together on some sort of crime.

As I alluded to before, all of this was over within a period of two or three weeks. It was fun and getting over something so short is not really emotionally painful. Plus the fruits of this relationship were far greater then all of this. Tina’s level of commitment to personal fitness got me off my butt initially for the opportunity to run with some lovely girls and partly to get in shape. Through this though I have become the most fit I have ever been in my life and have a strong desire to maintain or surpass it. It couldn’t have been wrapped any better. I’m truly thankful for how Tina has probably changed the rest of my life in that regard (not to mention the other girls who have become good friends)

Last but not least Tina and my relationship is far from the same (how could it be?). I thought I had pegged her but I realize now that a lot of my perception was based on how she treated me when she adored me. This made me realize that I often judge people’s character or qualities by how the treat me. What could be more selfish? My disappointment was the result of my assumptions. Therefore if I have given people too much credit at times but probably more often than that too little.
Perhaps that is why Nietsche said:
Love is a state in which a man sees things most decidedly as they are not.
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Immediately after our relationship ended there a drastic change and that is the biggest crime of our relationship. People reveal a certain honesty about themselves at times and to see that and have it taken away is a crime in and of itself.