Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Lou Holtz

If you like me are highly anticipating the college football season I'm sure you checked out at least some or all of ESPN's four hour college game day live... that is if you were able to put with Lou Holtz. Holtz the former Notre Dame coach has been the geriatric addition to college gameday live for the better part of five years now, and frankly that is too long. Luckily he is counter balanced by the insightful and interesting Mark May. In fact, you can't find a show where Mark May doesn't gives Holtz the wtf did you just say face.

There should be an award every year called the Lou Holtz award that goes to the person that can fully understand a Lou Holtz Pep Talk and stay dry in the process. The guy spits more then Foghorn Leghorn and has the annunciation of a seven year old who just lost his two front teeth. That would be ok if what he said wasn't borderline idiotic. Let's see Lou Holtz's predictions for the year don't worry it's only three parts... feel free to skip it if you were here last year:

1)Notre Dame a team that went 3-9 last year will win 11 games and make the BCS bowl game. That would equate to the second greatest comeback in NCAA history. Forget that the other teams that have done it don't play big players from BCS power conferences. Their schedule isn't exactly a cake walk. Mich St, Michigan, USC, and Pitt just to name a few. The team gave up 58 sacks last year and finished 115th in the country or so on offense, and Holtz has them going to a BCS bowl. Not even touchdown Jesus can pull off that miracle. This earned an 11out of 10 on a Mark May wtf face scale.

2)USC (which just happens to be Notre Dame's biggest rival) won't win the national championship and maybe not make the BCS. It's hard to not bet on USC, but Holtz has made an art form of it. Holtz claims USC just doesn't have the offense to pull through, and no running back to carry the load (forget that 5 highschool all americans crowd their backfield). So the team that has had a top 2 recruiting class for the last 6 years and gone to 7 BCS bowl games in a row is going to have a down year. This earned a 9 out of 10 on a Mark May wtf face scale.

3)Luckily for Holtz his other coaching stop was Ohio State because otherwise he would be 0-3. He predicted Ohio State and Beanie Wells to have a big year. Finally something within the galaxy of reason. Even Holtz and his 24k gold painted yellow submarine find treasure every now and again.

Sadly I am not knowledgeable enough to pick out the Holtzisms for the other conferences but he did a good enough job butchering up the Big 12. Among the things he said the worst was saying that Tech had perenially had trouble with Texas A&M. (Tech has won 6 out of the last 7 years against A&M)

If you can think of anything else please comment

I'm watching College Game Day as I type this and Lou Holtz just picked South Carolina to win the SEC East. Just a quick rundown for you folks not in the know you have Georgia (AP 1), Florida (led by Heisman returner Tim Tebow), and Tennessee (sleeper for the national title) in the same division. This should be number four on my list since Holtz ended his career there. Mark May's response was hilarious, "Lou just tell me how they finished in their last 5 games." Lou wouldn't answer but here's a hint; 0-5 including losses to Vandy and Arkansas.

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