Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Break Up

Many are the plans of a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.
-Proverbs 19:21

As I write this I am covered in sweat still from the run I took no more than 2 hours ago. I write now because it just happened. We just broke up. Heck as I type this it hasn’t even hit facebook yet.

I wanted to write now because I wanted to share the raw emotion. It’s been less than half an hour. A relationship is two ropes slowly intertwining together as you grow closer. When it’s over the ropes are violently ripped apart with no care for the time it took to get there. That’s how it must be. There is always a little burn there because instantly it's different now.

We came back from running and I was tired. I ate some food and drank some water and just wanted to sit down. Brandy asked if we could sit on the porch out back. Sure it’s a nice porch we have spent several nights other just talking. Though tonight I think its hot and I just want a shower. I almost decline. As we head downstairs the birds have pooped on the cushion and I go with the classic flip the cushion over maneuver and grab a seat. She sits next to me; though with her knee in between us. I notice the body language almost immediately. As we sit I feel her holding back something and so I wait in silence. She wants to share. When this happens she makes this face that’s very cute. She almost rolls the words around in her mind thinking of how to say the thing she is going to say. She gives up and settles on the best alternative she can come up with; though she is never completely satisfied. She starts her sentence with, “I know this may come out of left field, but…”. It’s one of those sentences where you know what is going to come next. It was interesting because as I wrote the women in the red dress 2 post the other day I thought about what I would write if we broke up. What would I say? Well this is it.

I’ve had the privilege of dating several great women that have all taught me extraordinary things both about myself and about the opposite sex. One thing I have never mastered is either side of the break up talk. When you are the one breaking up you can never really convey where it went wrong or why. And when you are broken up with you know this is your last chance to speak so either you say too much or you say too little. My strategy is always just to say too much which I feel hurts you if you are looking to get back together, but lowers the chance of having that thing you wish you would have said the next day. (Though in my experience there always is that one thing you wish you would have said regardless of how long you ramble) So I did that I said my peace. It wasn’t mean, or angry, or even hurt. It was thankfulness.

I’ve spent a lot of time the last few weeks/months realizing how lucky I am. I am truly blessed beyond measure and don’t deserve really much of anything that I have. Through my 10 things experiment I learned this. To really recognize all the great things in my life. I realized that I have so much undeserved blessing that I should never be without joy for the rest of my days. Brandy was no different, she is far better than I deserve. I’ve spent a lot of time sharing how I have improved the various aspects of my life on this blog (physical, mental, and spiritual). My exiting words to her would be similar.

I’ve been doing crossfit for the better part of six months. I was in fairly good shape. When Brandy and I started dating. I was on a weight gain cycle taking in about 130g of protein a day and up to 160 pounds. We met rock climbing which is something I’ve been doing since late February and man she whooped me. I wanted to get better. So I started running at night with her and climbing on my own to cut weight and get in better shape. When we ran she killed me in endurance and this frustrated me to no end. In fact, I’ve been running 4-5 days a week since we started dating with the goal of beating her. While this has killed my weight gain it has significantly cut body fat. When I pick back up crossfit after my busy season I’ll do it 11 pounds lighter than when I stopped in June. I haven’t been this light since maybe junior high.

I’ve never dated a girl that I could have such deep conversations with. Frankly, other girls just weren’t interested in listening. I’m admittedly a nerdy thinker at heart. I constantly twist around random ideas in my mind. Hoping to find the next great business idea, developing a great theory that proves the existence of God, or challenging a social convention. Brandy always gave me awesome feedback that challenged my ideas and refined them. She listened and contributed. She shared great books and great ideas with me. I must admit though twice we disagreed and bet on the outcome. I won both = D

This may be the biggest area where we connected. I think it was the first or second date where Brandy asked me about my relationship with Christ as a Christian. Honestly, it knocked me off guard because it’s not something I expect to talk about early in the relationship. It’s not something that just flows either. How can you describe such a thing? Through meditation and an increased quiet time I had been searching and asking for spiritual depth, and through our relationship I got just that. We challenged eachother with ideas and discussed spiritual developments and revelations. We encouraged, cultivated and edified eachother. It was awesome.

Inevitably after a break up you can’t help but ask yourself what you would have done differently. Brandy hadn’t dated a lot of people and I was genuine with her. I just let it flow. I was always in the moment and open about how I felt. I treated her in a way that I felt would best serve her. I was unselfish. Honestly, it’s different then I’ve been in the past. When you are unselfish there are no games, it just is; it’s pure and potent. It has the ability to draw close instantly or push away just as quickly. It’s risky. I treated her as I would want to treat someone dating my future wife. I honored her. How can I regret anything that I did?

I know how abundant the world is with great people. I’ll find someone better and she’ll do the same. I want that for both of us.

When I was thinking what I would type if today came it would be thank you. Thank you for the joy, for the laughs, for the growth, and for the experience. I hope you had at least half as much fun as I did because I had a blast. In my prayers I very often don’t pray for outcomes because I believe that God may have other plans. I prayed for one thing though, I prayed that if Brandy and I were meant to be that we continue to grow our relationship and if not then it abruptly end. Prayer answered. I know that there are better things out there for her and better things out there for me. At the end of the day all I can say is that I’m blessed. And Thanks

1 comment:

  1. Kevin,

    Wow, I'm so sorry to hear about your breakup. Sounds like she was a very lucky girl.

    My mother says there is 'a lid for every pot.' With an outlook like yours, you'll definitely find your lid.